Lent update & Honesty


So far so good. My boss is out of town right now, so it's been SUPER easy not to gossip or complain. :) The Facebook give-up, I'm not going to lie, has been HARD!! After the first 2-3 days it felt like it had been weeks already!! I kept wanting to jump on and check on everyone's statuses! Since then it's been getting easier. I've finished a whole Ensign and am more than half way through a second one! YAY!
I'm not sure if this Lent thing has gotten me thinking or if it's been the Judgement, Second Coming & Exaltation Lessons we've been getting in church, but I have been thinking a lot lately at how bad I am at scripture reading and praying.
Not many people know this about me, but several years ago I was going through a health scare. I was having UTI's every other month, lots of back (kidney area) pain & I was tired a lot. For those of you who haven't heard, I was born with 4 kidneys & 4 ureters one of which wasn't connected to my bladder. After YEARS of testing, peeing in cups, IVP dyes, x-rays and exploratory surgery, I finally went in for major surgery at age 6 to 'fix my leak' so to speak. It was pretty traumatizing and now as an adult, I have a slight freak-out now and then if my back aches or I'm getting UTI's constantly.
So, I went in and consulted with my Doctor, who was concerned too, and sent me to a Specialist. During this time, I received multiple blessings, was praying constantly that they would be able to figure out what was wrong.... even if it was cancer I at least wanted an answer and to know I wasn't crazy. The specialist referred me out for a VCUG, which stands for Voiding Cysto urethrogram basically, they catheterize you, fill your bladder, and then stand you up and take x-rays while you void. (Fancy way of saying pee). They wanted to see if I had reflux of my ureters since I have 4 going into my bladder. This test showed nothing. Grrr...
My next test was a Cystoscopy... I'm not even going to explain this one... just look it up. All you need to know, is it hurts and I cried. Again, this test showed nothing. When the Specialist told me this, I was devastated. I had been praying so hard for comfort and when I got home I fell to my knees and .... nothing. I had no words. I felt abandoned by Heavenly Father. All I had wanted was an answer, a name for my pain. Ever since then my praying has gone by the wayside, scripture reading came to a stop. I still had a testimony of a lot of the principles and doctrines of the gospel, but felt like my faith was slightly shaken.
Lately, I've really felt the promptings/desire/need to get it all back. Yesterday, I added some stuff to my Lent give-ups. Not really give-ups, but just things I need to do. So, I pledged to set aside one hour of each day to study my scriptures and write in my 'liken' journal (you know how Nephi said to liken the scriptures to ourselves? That's what my 'liken' journal is for), to write in my thankfulness journal and read my Ensign. I just put in my earplugs so it's quiet and go. I also pledged to say my prayers morning and night without fail!
Last time I went to the dentist for a check-up, they said everything was fine, but then noted some areas they wanted to keep an eye on. I have to admit I'm not the best flosser... even though I work in the dental field... then and there I decided to make sure I brush and floss EVERYDAY. And I haven't missed a day since. Why is it so easy to make that a daily habit but the scriptures and prayers (which I've tried to make a habit before) are so hard? I'm hoping this new plan will make a difference. I have to admit though, it's hard to feel close to my Heavenly Father after being away for so long. Anybody have their own tricks or tips to getting that relationship back? Or making scriptures and prayers daily?

2 comments:

Melinda said...

I too struggle with reading my scriptures daily :( But everything like checking fb and doing other things I have NO problem doing daily :( Although last night I had a weird dream .. I dreamt I was in the primary room in my ward building, and we were discussing the book of Judges ... I am not sure what that was all about?! LOL So I did wake up this morning and briefly read thru Judges, trying to see if one of my prayers were being answered thru this or what that was all about. But I couldn't figure it out haha But I can say I did read my scriptures this morning! ;) so good luck!! and I do hope the docs can help you out with your problem! thats a bummer! :(

C-squared said...

Wow, Mel, I'm not sure what that means either! LOL! I thought Judges was just full of Joseph begat methuselah and Methuselah begat etc...
I have not missed a day so far with prayers and scriptures, and in all honesty I don't think they'll figure it out. It's been 3 years. I'm pretty sure I'll just be living with pain... not sure if it's just a side effect of having more than 2 or what?! I'll let you know at the end of my life! HAHA!